


Happiness

by sssweetdisposition



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-07 01:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11048268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sssweetdisposition/pseuds/sssweetdisposition
Summary: Prompt: "One day, I was told to talk about my happiest memory and how it made me feel. I talked about you. I couldn't stop talking about you"





	Happiness

If someone other than any of her closest friends were to see how she currently was, they’d truly think the world was ending. Lexa is often seen sporting her signature Woods Resting Bitch Face as she strikes red ink across her student’s papers, but for those that deeply know the often incredibly serious girl, they’d completely understand that yeah, sometimes it’s absolutely normal to see Lexa sitting side-by-side with Raven on the rooftop of her apartment after a long day at work, spliff rightly between her lips. Really, it’s not all that of a big deal. It’s not that she’s made it a habit, or even that she relies on it whenever life is unkind, it had just been something that started in college as a form of curiosity which eventually stemmed into happening at times when she wanted to feel like she could conquer the world and be unafraid of anything and everything. (Sometimes Raven just likes to drag her up there for the company when she has to relieve some of the pain that her leg gives her). (Lexa never tells her that she’s touched by this in a way).

The girl beside her lays down to rest her back on the ground, and Lexa promptly follows. It’s almost a routine of theirs whenever they both find themselves in this situation. One of the two takes a couple pulls to get settled and started, then the slow passing amongst one another begins as they gaze up at the night sky and (try to) rid themselves of their joking in exchange for almost too truthful honesty. She’s glad that she met Raven through her best friend. Strangely enough, there are some things she admits to her when she finds she can’t tell them to Clarke (like the fact that her ex-boyfriend may not have gotten that flat tire accidentally).

“Want to tell me about your day?” The smoke billows out from Raven’s lips as she speaks.

“Not really. I’m currently trying to let it go”. Her eleventh grade students were absolute terrors today. It was the first beautiful day they’ve seen of spring so far and it was clear they wanted to be anywhere but in the classroom.

“Fair enough”. There’s a beat of silence that accompanies the passing of the spliff into Lexa’s hand. “When are you going to tell Clarke you’re in love with her?”

“We revisit this topic every time we’re up here and I always give you the same answer. I’m not in love with Clarke”. She has to try sounding stern and serious before giving that answer.

It’s not that she’s actively lying and trying to convince her friend of this fact. It’s just that Lexa can’t be in love with Clarke. It just doesn’t make sense. She loves her to no end, sure, but they’re best friends. They’ve been best friends since high school and not once has Lexa thought about potentially ruining that for a chance at anything more. They’ve both dated other people and have been there as a rock when things didn’t work out. Being Clarke’s friend is safe. No hurt, no betrayal, no too heavy expectations. There’s no denying that Clarke is beautiful – among many other things – but she’s allowed to think highly about her friends. She’s not going to pretend the blonde is unattractive.

“Yeah, and I’m not a certified genius who’s the youngest working person at NASA” Raven quips.

It’s enough to make Lexa giggle and move on from the topic. “You’re so freaking smart that sometimes I hate that you’re smarter than me”.

“And don’t you forget beautiful, Woods. I’m smart, and I’m beautiful”.

“And modest”.

“Anya likes it”.

“Please don’t talk about my sister. I don’t want to know what she likes or what you both get up to”.

“Why, Woods? Life in the bedroom not so hot right now?”

“You’re unbelievable”.

“Ha, that’s actually funny. Your sister said the same thing right–”

“For the love of everything science related, _please_ don’t continue that sentence”.

For a second, Raven’s eyes close and she hums as if reliving the memory. It’s enough to make Lexa fake gag. The thought is gone almost as soon as it had formed. “What’s your happiest memory?”

It’s a question that she genuinely has to think about. Not because of the lack of happiness surrounding her life, but moreso because she needs to try to pinpoint what one moment was good enough to make her feel more elated than another. There are all sorts of thoughts that come to mind and her influenced brain can’t seem to decide.

“Maybe that time I took Clarke to that park with the suspension bridges going through the forest. You should’ve seen her face. It was like – like seeing every single good thing in the world all at once right in front of your eyes. She smiled like an idiot the whole time. There was this look of awe on her face every time she’d point out a tree that was slightly bigger than another one, or when she would see all these different birds flying from one to the next. She spent like, a week straight painting with only green shades after that”.

The memory was happy, but her mind just can’t stop bringing them all to the surface.

“Oh! Or there was that day when we went to the beach and there was a little turtle that swam right next to Clarke’s leg! She looked down at it and didn’t see the big wave coming in and it totally got her face. She was sputtering all the water out of her mouth and trying to wipe her face but another one came in and surprised her again. It was priceless. You know when she does that cute grumpy face? I couldn’t stop laughing for like five minutes straight and she chased me around trying to get me under after that. She was happy, you know? Like, really happy, even though she had a face full of salty water”.

As she lays on the ground with her eyes closed and giggling freely she’s unaware that Raven is staring at her in disbelief that someone so intelligent could ever be so dimwitted. She’s going on a tangent about everything that’s ever been imprinted into her mind as happy, yet she’s slow to realize they all have something to do with her best friend.

“Wait, but it could also be my last birthday when Clarke took me out on that scavenger hunt. She brought me to all of my favourite places. And she even took me to that one restaurant, Arcadia, even though she doesn’t really like it as much as I do. And she gave me one of her paintings! She’s so freaking talented. They’re not just pictures. I feel something every time I see her art. Clarke’s a nice person, you know? I just – God, Raven, she deserves the world. It’s like, how can someone be so genuinely _good_? She doesn’t deserve all the shitty things she gets in life. First with Jake, then her fallout with her mom, plus there was Finn. You know what I say? I say, fuck Finn. That no good, cheating, asshole. If I were Clarke’s girlfriend, I’d treat her like she was the most precious person in this whole damn universe. Why would you ever put yourself in a position to lose what you have with her? If I were Clarke’s girlfriend I’d certainly…” her voice trails off quietly and they’re left with silence.

Slowly, Lexa brings herself upwards back into a sitting position. Her eyebrows have narrowed in thought and the confusion is evident on her face. She squeezes her eyes shut tightly and attempts to think about what it all means before they reopen quickly in shock and a slight gasp escapes. Her head snaps to the side to face her friend.

“This whole time?”

“Yep”. 

* * *

 

_“Hey, you’ve reached Clarke. Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message!”_

“Hey, Clarke, it’s me–”

“Lexa, don’t you dare leave her a message”.

Raven is chasing her in circles around the rooftop, trying to snatch the phone away from Lexa’s hand. Deep down somewhere within her intoxicated brain she probably knows it’s not the greatest of her ideas, but right now, she can’t even say that she’s scared of telling Clarke she’s in love with her. Quite frankly, right now all she wants to do is scream (and possibly annoy all of her sleeping neighbours) that Clarke is the love of her life.

“I just called because there’s something–”

“Damnit, Woods, stop running!”

“There’s something I’ve realized and – wow, okay, here it goes…I – _oomph_ – Ow, Raven, what the fuck? Did you just throw your shoe at me?”

_Beep_

“Hello?...Clarke?”

It takes her a moment to remember that her friend wasn’t actually on the other end of the line. She pulls the phone away from her ear and stares at it offensively, scowling after realizing the time for her message exceeded.

“Oh thank god” Raven huffs almost out of breath. Suddenly there are hand on Lexa’s shoulders and a serious looking girl in front of her face. Lexa almost wants to laugh because Raven and serious rarely ever exist together. “Listen to me very, very, _very_ carefully”. There’s a blinking firetruck off in the distance and her eyes get briefly distracted by the flashing lights. “No, no, over here. Lexa, do you _really_ think Clarke deserves a love declaration via voicemail? While you’re high as a rocket, might I add”.

And just like that, her head has some sort of clearing as she genuinely mulls over her friend’s words.

“I’m pretty sure Clarke is my soulmate”.

“Right. So we can agree that you’ll wait until tomorrow to tell her you have a big lesbian crush on her?”

“I love her”.

“Lexa”.

“Her hair is so fucking soft”.

“ _Lexa_ ”.

“Yeah, tomorrow”.

“And we can agree that you’ll tell me that I told you so?”

“Fuck you, Reyes”.

* * *

 

She wakes slowly. The sheets are soft against her skin and slightly warm from the sunlight that’s streaming through the window. There’s a peaceful silence throughout her room that’s only broken by the chirping bird outside of her window. An arm is comfortably draped around her middle, and–

“Ugh, why do I let you stay here after getting high” she groans, pulling the arm off of her.

“Good morning to you too, sunshine. Since you’ve woken up in such a mood, I’d just like to remind you that you’re in love with your best friend and that I definitely told you so. On multiple occasions. Now, since it’s–” she gazes at the alarm on the bedside table, “only 8:46, I’m going to go across the hall and get some lovin’ from my girlfriend. Later days, Little Woods” she yawns. The bed dips and Raven is gone faster than she can even process.

When her mind finally mulls over the sentence, her night comes back to her. Sitting with Raven, the non-stop blabbering about Clarke, the fact that she really, truly is actually in love with her best friend. And just like that, her morning is filled with worry and slight panic. She’s in love with her best friend. What if Clarke doesn’t feel the same way? Should she even tell her at all? _Stupid_ , of course she should. She shouldn’t keep this a secret. It’d only become worse over time. If she feels the same way, well then of course that’d be more than great, but if she doesn’t? Lexa is going to have to deal with having Clarke in her life even though it’s not to the capacity she’d like, but she’d definitely do it for the sake of saving their friendship. Which only brings about, how? How does she tell Clarke she’s been in love with her for the entirety of their friendship? This is more than she wanted to be thinking about in the morning. She’s decided that it’s all Raven’s fault.

She rolls onto her back and presses the palms of her hands to her eyes. _It’s just Clarke_.

But that’s the thing. It really isn’t _just_ Clarke. It’s Clarke who will hold her hand while they watch a horror movie even though Lexa says they don’t bother her. It’s Clarke who doubles over laughing whenever she poorly imitates her fellow employees. The same Clarke that goes on hiking adventures with her and is 26 beautiful years young but still smiles as wide as a kid when they manage to catch up to the ice cream truck. It’s just that Clarke is a lot of different things. A lot of things that overwhelm Lexa because all of these things make her life feel so full of love.

Wow, she really is an idiot for not coming to terms with this at an earlier point in their long friendship.

She’s interrupted by her grumbling stomach, and she supposes she should probably get out of bed to eat and then shower before she has to start her day. Before getting up, she reaches for her phone to see if there are any notifications, only to see that there’s a missed call from her best friend, as well as a voicemail that is most likely from her as well, both timed well after her and Raven made it into her bed. Her friend had probably been on shift at the hospital.

_“Hey Lex, it’s me. Figured I’d try out your phone since you seem to have been up pretty late but I guess I missed you. Anyway, uh, your voicemail was…confusing? Are you okay? Did Raven really throw her shoe at you? Shoot, I just got paged. I’m off at 9, call me back?”_

* * *

 

It’s now 10:42 a.m. according to the watch on her left wrist (A gift from Clarke on her 24th birthday), and yes, she has been actively avoiding returning Clarke’s call.

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning, so Lexa decided to take advantage of the gorgeous mild weather and go out for a walk around her neighborhood. There’s a small flower shop tucked away between a café and convenience store which she enjoys going to not only because the flowers are truly gorgeous, but also because the smell reminds her of the time she spent in the field by the Griffin family cottage. As she pulls the door open, she immediately breathes in deeply, a smile forming on her face.

“Haven’t seen you in a while”. The girl behind the counter, Niylah, recognizes her instantly. It’s not at all shocking. She frequents the tiny shop quite often, except for the past two weeks because between work and just about everything else, she’s been busy.

Rather than walking to the counter, she surveys the pink hydrangeas sitting inside a bucket of water. “I’m honestly just as hurt about it as you are” she jokes.

“I have some fresh peonies I was just about to put out”.

“You always know to get me with those”.

“Can’t drive away my best customer now, can I? You want me to wrap some up for you?”

“I don’t think you have to ask”.

The other girl chuckles lightly and heads to the back room, leaving Lexa to mosey around peacefully. After getting over her frantic state, she’s feeling different today. Happier almost. So when she feels the urge to pick up the beautiful, colourful tulips that she noticed as soon as she walked in, she does. The two girls make it back to the counter at the same time.

“How do these look?” The blonde asks, holding up the bundle of flowers.

“Beautiful, like always” she smiles.

“You don’t usually buy more than one kind at a time” Niylah notices, nodding her head towards the tulips. “Must be for someone special”.

Lexa delicately hands the other girl her flowers and watches as she effortlessly wraps them. “She is”.

* * *

 

She never really planned to show up at Clarke’s apartment unannounced. She never really even planned to buy Clarke flowers. Realistically, even though she knows she has to tell her best friend, she definitely didn’t plan to do it right at this moment. Yet here she is, waiting in front of Clarke’s door after quickly stopping at home to drop off her own flowers. She feels good today, though. Great, even. She really doesn’t feel anything short of joyful. Is this what it’s like to be in love? She thinks she can get used to it. That is, if Clarke feels the same way. She knows there’s a possibility that she doesn’t. Throughout their years of friendship she can’t exactly pinpoint any time when Clarke was overly friendly with her, or hinted at something more. Maybe she’s going to scare her off. This is a lot. She wants to tell her she loves her. She’s going to be completely blindsided and what if–

The wooden door swings open just as her mind begins to race and she’s slightly thankful that it’s managed to cut through the intense thoughts, but now she realizes that this is actually happening and a slight fear sets in.

“Long time no see, stranger” the blonde grins.

Lexa is aware that she’s staring, but she can’t stop quite yet. The smile that Clarke has on her face is wide and genuine and it’s enough to stop Lexa’s train of thought. She takes a moment to look at her friend. She’s still in the sweats that she most likely slept in, she’s wearing her the grey t-shirt she got while on her trip to Australia two years ago, and her hair is in the messiest bun yet it somehow still looks good. She really is beautiful.

“Uh, h-hey”. The brunette clears her throat. It’s just Clarke. “I have something for you” she says, holding out the wrapped flowers, willing her hand to stop its slight tremor.

Clarke reaches out for the bundle with one hand, and the other grabs Lexa’s hand, leading her into the apartment. “Visiting Niylah again? I’m gonna start getting jealous you know” she jokes. Her back is to Lexa but the brunette can tell the smile is still on her face.

“Oh please, if there’s someone Niylah is interested in it’s you”. She remembers bringing Clarke to the flower shop a couple months ago. Remembers that her stomach twisted with something akin to hurt when the shop owner was all smiles and flirtatious giggles around her best friend, in turn making her laugh and smile as well. She never brought Clarke back. She never understood what the feeling was but now she supposes she knows why she felt that way.

They’ve reached Clarke’s kitchen and she’s currently unwrapping the flowers from the paper. “Oh yeah? Think she’ll give me her number? Oh, Lex. These are so pretty. You really didn’t have to do this”.

“They’re your favourite”.

“You always remember”. She opens her arms and envelops Lexa into a tight hug, burying her head in the crook of the brunette’s neck.

“I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t, would I?” Her voice is soft and she can feel her heart thrumming rapidly in her chest as she holds Clarke.

Suddenly Clarke begins to pull away and the loss of her warmth is felt quickly. “Yeah, my – my best friend”. There’s a smile on her face but it doesn’t quite look anything other than forced. Did she do something wrong? The blonde seemed more than fine a moment ago. The internal panic sets in again. _Great job, Lexa_.

“Hey – hey, what’s wrong? Is it the flowers? I can take them back. I should’ve known they’d remind you of your dad. Shit, I’m sorry”.

She worrying her bottom lip between her teeth and avoiding looking at her in the eye. It’s something that Lexa knows she does when she’s anxious or worrying. “No, Lex, that’s not it, I promise. The flowers are perfect. I think–” Lexa watches as the girl in front of her takes a steadying breath before continuing, “I think we should talk about something”.

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, of course. Come, let’s go sit”.

During the short trek to the couch, Lexa can’t help but rapidly going through scenario after scenario. Clarke is friendship breaking up with her. Clarke is sick with some sort of terminal illness. Clarke is moving across the world to Australia. Clarke is dating someone. _Oh God, Clarke is dating someone_. Her palms begin to feel sweaty and she can feel her face flush.

“So uh, I guess I’ll just start then”.

Lexa can see how nervous Clarke is. Whatever it is that she wants to tell her is clearly making her feel unsettled, so she opts for trying to comfort her, moving her hand on top of the blonde’s. No matter what it is, she just wants Clarke to feel comfortable enough to let everything out. “Take your time. There’s no rush”.

“Ugh, see! _This-,_ ” she exclaims exasperatedly, “This is why.”

Lexa doesn’t follow. Her eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and she really hopes Clarke isn’t talking about how she put her hand on top of her own. _Oh, no_. Maybe this is worse than she thought. Slowly she retracts her hand, only for it to be snatched back and held between both of Clarke’s.

“You’re just always so kind and –

Okay, um, I really didn’t plan on doing this today, so just bear with me while I try to make sure everything isn’t some sort of jumbled mess. Remember that night last summer when we were on the rooftop and there was that shooting star?”

Lexa nods slowly, still unsure where Clarke is taking this conversation.

“And remember you told me to make a wish but I said I didn’t want to because I was already happy enough?”

Another nod.

“Well, I guess I sort of lied? In a way?”

Lexa wants to tell her she doesn’t necessarily see why she’s admitting to lying about something as silly as not wanting to wish on a dead star, but she refrains, letting Clarke continue.

“I told you that I was already as happy as I could be but that was because I was there spending time with _you_. I was happy in that moment but I could have been happier. I just – I can’t tell you when it started. And I can’t tell you what made things change, but Lex I – when we were up there on your rooftop and you held my hand while we just stared at the sky in silence I would have been happier if you were mine”.

One of Clarke’s hands leave the hold on Lexa’s to run her fingers through her blonde hair. “I know it’s a lot to take in and I’m _so_ sorry that I just sprung this-”

She’s cut off by the sound of laughter. Genuine, free-sounding laughter. Lexa’s eyes are closed and her mouth is open, emitting the happiest sound she’s probably ever heard herself make. There were a million things she thought Clarke was going to say, but this definitely wasn’t one of them. It’s just that she finds it a little unbelievable that her beautiful, kind, intelligent, best friend – _the love of her life –_ is sitting in front of her and worrying herself silly about telling Lexa she has feelings for her.

“Wh – Lex, why are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry, it’s-,” she takes time to compose herself and opens her eyes to look into the gorgeous blue ones in front of her. “Do you want to know why I came over here? After some momentary panic, I ended up being in this mood where everything was good. I have felt – arguably – the happiest I ever have. However, I’m more than certain that it’s only because last night I realized I’m completely and utterly in love with you.”

The blue eyes she’s looking into widen and Clarke’s face takes on a look of shock.

“Raven asked me what my happiest memory is and all I could think about was you. I couldn’t chose one over another because they all had to do with you. Every single time I’m with you is when I’m the happiest. Every time I hear you laugh, or see you do that smile when your tongue gets caught between your teeth. Whenever we’re out with our friends and you get pouty because someone _always_ manages to tease you about something. You always make me happy. Every single moment with you is precious to me”.

There’s a stray tear that’s managed to run down Clarke’s flushed cheek and Lexa softly swipes her thumb across it.

“Now that I’ve managed to really think about it, it kind of seems like this has been inevitable ever since I first met you”.

“My dad was right” Clarke huffs, a smile forming. She’s slightly shaking her head in disbelief.

“Your dad?”

“He would always tell me you’d be there”.

“Until my last day”.

“I love you, Lexa”.

“I love you too”. She can’t help the smile that stretches fully across her face. She’s in love with her best friend. She’s pretty certain she’s always been in love with her. Her heart feels so full that it seems it may explode.

“Did Raven really throw her shoe at you?”


End file.
